March 2021

hellboy (2019)

Hellboy Movie 2019 Review: A Soul-Crushing Dumpster Fire

Hellboy Movie 2019 Review: A Soul-Crushing Dumpster Fire   INTRODUCTION: The Worst Superhero Film Ever? Welcome to our Hellboy Movie 2019 Review. While taking notes for this piece, I realized that the movie is impressive in only one way. It made me question the futility of time. Why was I wasting my short life re-watching this atrocious piece of trash? This might be the worst film I have ever seen. Frankly, it took the crown of “worst superhero movie” from Fan4stic. This reboot is downright insulting to fans. I still cannot believe they chose this garbage over a third Guillermo del Toro film with Ron Perlman. CHARACTERS: A Whiny Hero and Sleepwalking Actors A major part of any Hellboy Movie 2019 Review is the cast. David Harbour had big shoes to fill. In his defense, he tries his best with extremely poor material. However, the writers turned Big Red into a moaning, whiny teenager. Furthermore, the excessive makeup prevents Harbour from emoting. His mouth opens and closes like a puppet while shoddy ADR dialogue plays over it. The supporting cast is equally insufferable. Alice gives one of the worst performances I have ever witnessed in a comic book movie. Meanwhile, Ian McShane clearly sleepwalked through his role for an easy paycheck. Milla Jovovich plays a stereotypical witch and brings nothing new to the table. TECHNICALS: Cheap CGI and Horrible Editing In this Hellboy Movie 2019 Review, we have to talk about the visuals. I have seen cheap CGI before, but this takes the cake. Almost every creature looks like an unfinished student project. The fight with the giants is particularly bad. It takes place in broad daylight, which exposes the amateur effects. The editing is also horrible. It feels like a cheap 90s television show. The soundtrack is misused, featuring songs that add absolutely nothing to the scenes. Even the humor fails. The movie relies on gross-out burp jokes and “pantomime” dialogue that feels more like a poor kids’ film than a dark horror-action epic. VERDICT: The Final Hellboy Movie 2019 Review Ultimately, Neil Marshall’s Hellboy is a disaster. Please don’t see this unless you hate yourself. It is two hours of your life that would be better spent doing literally anything else. CGI Quality: 1/10 Writing: 1/10 Overall Rating: 1/5 Stars Check out our other 2019 reviews: Review – Shazam! (Movie) (2019) Review – Jedi: Fallen Order (2019) Want to see if it’s really that bad? Buy Hellboy (2019) on Amazon.

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star wars fallen jedi

Jedi Fallen Order 2019 Review: A Broken Force Experience?

Jedi Fallen Order 2019 Review: A Broken Force Experience?   INTRODUCTION: A Profoundly Confusing Experience Welcome to our Jedi Fallen Order 2019 Review. When I first finished this game, I felt profoundly confused. On paper, I should have loved every minute. It combines the parkour of Uncharted with the darkest days of Star Wars lore. However, the final product often feels like it doesn’t belong in the Star Wars universe at all. While EA received praise for releasing a single-player story, they delivered it in a sloppy, janky fashion. From game-breaking bugs to muddy textures, the technical state of this release was frankly unacceptable for a major studio like Respawn. STORY: Unsympathetic Characters and Bland Villains In this Jedi Fallen Order 2019 Review, we have to address the narrative. The protagonist, Cal Kestis, is a whiny character who consistently got on my nerves. Unfortunately, the rest of the crew feels equally bland and unendearing. I grew up loving this universe, yet I found myself trying to skip every cutscene. The villains were unengaging. Furthermore, the side characters—like Cal’s master—became increasingly annoying. The only bright spot was Sister Merrin, who felt like a genuine part of the world. For most of the journey, I simply didn’t care what happened to the crew of the Stinger Mantis. GAMEPLAY: When Lightsabers Feel Like Piñata Sticks A major part of any Jedi Fallen Order 2019 Review is the combat. Jedi should be powerful warriors. Yet, in this game, you never feel truly capable. The combat lacks the satisfaction of The Force Unleashed because of the lack of dismemberment. Hitting enemies feels like striking piñatas with a glowing stick. Additionally, the checkpoint system breaks immersion. Refilling your health respawns every enemy, which feels overly “arcady.” The game also masquerades as an open-world experience. However, the “clear-as-mud” holomap and lack of guidance lead to frustrating dead ends and wasted time. VERDICT: The Final Jedi Fallen Order 2019 Review Overall, I feel like I played a different game than everyone else. I wanted to fall in love with this title, but the technical glitches and lazy design choices held it back. If you want an authentic Star Wars experience, you might be better off sticking with Battlefront 2. Graphics: 5/10 (Due to bugs) Story: 4/10 Verdict: A disappointing “Respawn.” Check out our other 2019 reviews: Review – Polar (Movie) (2019) Review – Shazam! (Movie) (2019) Want to risk it yourself? Buy Jedi: Fallen Order on Amazon.

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